🚨 BREAKING: Musk Steps Down From DOGE

☀️ April 1, 2025 ☀️

🐾 Hope you had a bitchin Holiday Weekend...

There’s a lot to catch up on…

So let’s Sic ‘Em! 🐾

In a surprise announcement Monday evening, Elon Musk confirmed he will step down as head of DOGE effective immediately. The abrupt move comes after weeks of reckless cuts, public missteps, and a flurry of legal action caused by DOGE’s questionable actions.

According to senior officials, tensions between Co-Presidents Musk and Trump had been simmering behind the scenes for weeks, with Trump being dissatisfied with how few verifiable savings DOGE was actually making and that Trump’s narcissistic ego was getting bruised by all the attention Elon was getting.

One official described a heated exchange in the Oval Office earlier this month, where Trump reportedly grew frustrated with Musk’s unilateral decisions and accused him of “chasing headlines” for himself, rather than giving Trump proper credit.

Another source said Musk responded: “I get the credit, because I did everything” and “You would be nothing without me,” comparing the emotional blowup to a lover’s spat. “Turns out Elon does have some emotions beneath his android-like lack of empathy,” they added.

Both camps have agreed to downplay the rupture publicly, with Musk saying he simply wants to focus more on is failing businesses — referencing the worldwide public backlash, boycotts, and tanking valuations of Tesla.

The announcement caught many in Washington off guard. Even high-ranking Republicans — who have been side-stepped and ignored by Musk from the outset —showed signs of relief that his dogmatic, unchecked reign was over.

That is, until they realized it was April First, and that this foolishly hopeful dream had vanished like a mirage. Grr.

* * * * *

[Sorry, we couldn’t resist. And honestly, it felt good to daydream about such things — even for a moment. But now we return to dogpaddling our way against the rip current of DOGE news…]

Worst in Show. Musk Holds Cheesy Town Hall Rally in Wisconsin.

Co-President Musk hosted a town hall in Wisconsin, where he wore a Cheesehead Hat and handed out two $1 million checks to attendees as a way to promote conservative judicial candidate Brad Schimel in the state’s upcoming Supreme Court race.

Sentient humans, including the state’s Democratic attorney general, called Musk out for blatantly and illegally buying votes, and yet the Wisconsin Supreme Court declined to intervene.

Here are some lowlights from the event:

On the Federal Reserve's workforce:
“I think there's like 20,000 people working at the Fed? It seems pretty high.”

Questioning the Federal Reserve's effectiveness:
“What do they do? And, you know, sometimes I wonder which one would win for federal interest rates. The Board of the Federal Reserve or a Magic 8 Ball?”

On reducing the size of the federal government:
“If it were entirely up to me, I'd be like the government was in 1776. Let's make it like that again."

Acknowledging personal financial impact:
“In fact, it's costing me a lot to be in this job.”

On the role of DOGE and taxpayer benefits:
“One way or another, you will effectively be better off.”

Scratching His Own Back. Musk Merges his X and xAI Companies in Billion-Dollar Self-Deal.

In a move that blends artificial intelligence with social media chaos, Elon Musk has orchestrated a merger between his AI startup, xAI, and the platform formerly known as Twitter, now rebranded as X.

The deal, structured as an all-stock transaction, values xAI at $80 billion and X at $33 billion, with $12 billion in debt wrapped in. All told, it’s a $125 billion megadeal—at least on paper.

Musk says the merger is part of his vision to create an “everything app”, combining AI, payments, messaging, and content in a single ecosystem.

But of course, lots of eyebrows are raising with skepticism too. Since Musk owns both companies, he can set the price however he wants — and because they aren’t public companies, no one outside can double-check the math.

Basically, that means he could say the AI company is worth way more than it really is just to make the deal look better, and it’s also a tactic that could dupe investors and/or hide financial problems without anyone noticing.

It’s all very “Oz the Great & Powerful” in its shadiness and makes you wonder what kind of similar illusion-based schemes DOGE might be doing as it infiltrates deeper into the government.

Dog-Eared. Agency that Funds Libraries and Museums Gets DOGE’d.

DOGE abruptly placed the entire staff at the Institute of Museum and Library Services (IMLS) on 90-day paid administrative leave.

The move followed a brief meeting and left employees without access to email or guidance on next steps. The IMLS, which supports libraries and museums with federal grants, issued $266 million in funding last year. This money goes to help staff, maintenance, and create new programs.

While DOGE hasn’t formally eliminated IMLS, cultural institutions are already feeling the impact of the pause. Programs serving Native communities and mental health initiatives could stall.

And of course, this could just be a prelude to dismantling the agency entirely, with no transparency about how or why decisions are being made.

Attack Dogs. Tesla Takedown Roundup.

Saturday was a climactic day of protest, dubbed the "Tesla Takedown.” Over 250 cities around the world participated in the grassroots campaign, and we spotlight just a few of them...

Laredo, Texas. A large group of local residents in the Texas border town convened at a Tesla Supercharger station to participate in the global Tesla Takedown movement. “We’re basically telling people to sell their Teslas, dump their stock, and we’re kind of saying a big ‘f--- you’ to Elon Musk for hurting our democracy through all the decision-making he’s been involved in within our government, even though he wasn’t elected.”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. More than 400 individuals rallied at the Devon Tesla Dealership, with some trying to distance themselves from recent incidents where Cybertrucks were trashed and vandalized. “The whole point is a peaceful protest. As you can see, it’s a fun atmosphere here. People are making friends. I met a guy who plays Dungeons & Dragons like me, so hopefully I can contact him and get a game going.”

Dallas, Texas. Hundreds protested at a Tesla Dealership, where one protestor trolled Musk and the Dealership by hanging a banner that read: "Store closing. Everything must go!"

Boise, Idaho. A 70-year-old man, Christopher Talbot, was arrested after (allegedly) making “an obscene gesture" then driving his vehicle into a counter-protester during a demonstration near the local Tesla dealership. Fortunately, the protestor’s injuries weren’t life-threatening, and Talbot is now facing aggravated assault charges. 

London, England. Protestors outside a British Tesla Dealership erected a most-excellent inflatable effigy of Musk doing his favorite salute… yeah you know the one.

"Rep. Luna Quits Freedom Caucus Over Proxy Vote Fight for New Parents"
Internal bitch-fight. Republican Rep. Anna Paulina Luna (FL) has officially left the House Freedom Caucus after clashing with fellow members over her push to allow proxy voting for new parents. Luna, who gave birth last year, led a bipartisan resolution to let lawmakers vote remotely if they or their spouse just had a baby. She secured the necessary 218 signatures to force a vote, but members of the ultraconservative caucus sabotaged the effort behind the scenes—pushing leadership to block the proposal.

“Trump Closes Coal Mine Safety Offices”
Trump & DOGE are shuttering several local Mine Safety and Health Administration (MSHA) offices in the heart of coal country. These offices play a frontline role in protecting miners by ensuring companies follow federal safety rules. DOGE claims the closures are meant to streamline operations, but miners and safety experts say this move puts lives at risk. A 21-year mining veteran said: “Every single safety regulation is because someone got hurt or died.”

“Harvard in the Doghouse: Federal Review Puts Funding at Risk”
The Trump administration is doing a comprehensive review of Harvard University's federal funding, potentially impacting billions in contracts and grants. This action, led by DOGE, is part of a broader effort to combat supposed antisemitism on campus. This comes after similar actions were taken against against Columbia University, which resulted in a $400 million funding cut and mandated changes. Harvard now faces scrutiny over $255 million in existing contracts and $8.7 billion in grant commitments. Columbia caved, so we’ll see if Harvard does the same.

“French Far Right Rocked by Verdict Against Marine Le Pen”
Meanwhile, over in France… Marine Le Pen was sentenced to four years in prison and was immediately banned from running for office for five years — punishment for her conviction for embezzling EU funds. The ruling sent shockwaves through the French political establishment, especially in the right wing. Even Trump called it “a big deal,” and Musk has begun predicting that it will backfire. Yeah, maybe. Or maybe, those other right-wing, party-leading grifters are afraid they might face similar consequences.

“MAGA Influencer Selling Her Tesla Cuz Baby Daddy Musk Cut Child Support”
File under: “MESSY MUSK.” Ashley St. Clair, the MAGA influencer who says Elon Musk fathered her child, made a public show of selling her Tesla—saying she needed the money to make up for him cutting child support by 60%. Her attorney said: “Elon Musk has financially retaliated against his own child and reduced his financial support substantially and unilaterally.” Welcome to the rebellion, Sweetie.

Well, that was a lot to chew on… Again.

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🙌 Thanks for reading. See you on Hump Day.  

🐾 And until then, do your best to stay pawsitive!