💩 Poop & Circumstance

☀️ April 3, 2025 ☀️

🐾 Now Let’s Sic ‘Em! 🐾

Social Media exploded yesterday after Politico published a story revealing that Trump’s been telling his inner circle and cabinet heads that Musk will be stepping down from DOGE “in the coming weeks.”

Most people jumped on the coincidence that Musk got rebuked by voters in Tuesday’s special election in WI, where Musk had contributed over $20 million and personally stumped at campaign events for Trump-supported candidate Brad Schimel. Instead, voters rejected Musk and elected Susan Crawford. Therefore, Musk’s reputation and Big Dog swagger were tarnished in one fell swoop.

While this is certainly true to a degree, and Democrats are seizing on this chink in both Co-Presidents’ armor, there doesn’t seem to be any “there there” when it comes to a new timeline for Musk stepping down.

Our April Fool’s joke aside (sorry again), Musk has already said that he expects to step down in May, which coincides with the 130-day term limit that “Special Government Employees” are allowed to serve. And that also aligns with Trump’s comments yesterday too.

So while there’s definitely good news when it comes to Musk’s very public failure, it’s unlikely to change his status at DOGE in the near future.

Yesterday was probably more about spin — where Trump was trying to distance himself slightly from Musk and remind people that Musk is his lackey, not the other way around (yeah right), and that his connection to the South African albatross was short-term.

But there could be a Tesla related play here. Musk is known for manipulating the markets (sometimes illegally), and so given the way Tesla stock jumped 10% when this gossip broke, there’s probably some shady financial scheme afoot — or at the very least, a signal of power to the Tesla board which is rumored to be souring quickly on Musk’s DOGE distractions.

So, no… “Liberation Day” was not about us being freed from Musk.

Poop & Circumstance. Trump Issues Massive New Tariffs, Sparking Global Unease.

…Speaking of Liberation Day, we guess there’s no avoiding talking about yesterday’s boneheaded announcements.

Co-President Trump rolled out sweeping new tariffs on dozens of countries, calling them “reciprocal” and claiming they’d restore lost jobs and protect national security.

The tariffs range from 10% to 49%, targeting imports from longtime allies like the U.K., Australia, and EU nations. Trump declared that for too long, American taxpayers had been “ripped off,” and these new import taxes would finally “level the playing field.”

Despite the aggressive move, most countries have responded cautiously, signaling hope for negotiations rather than retaliation. Some leaders disputed Trump’s data entirely, while others warned of the potential harm to their economies—but stopped short of matching fire with fire (so far).

Only previously announced auto tariffs on Mexico and Canada are expected to go into effect at midnight, though their goods under existing trade agreements remain mostly unaffected for now.

Isn’t it all just tariffic? Grr.

Paw Patrol. DOGE Is Making America’s Child Care Crisis Worse.

DOGE & the Trump Administration have put the future of Head Start—a vital early education program for low-income families—in serious jeopardy. After freezing grants, laying off key federal staff, and causing a wave of closures due to access issues with the funding system, everyone in DOGE-land insists that everything is fine.

However, while it might be true that Everything is computer, Everything is most definitely not fine.

In reality, preschool directors across the country are being ghosted by the Office of Head Start, leaving them unable to process grants or get basic approvals for equipment and repairs. Many fear this is a slow-motion takedown of a beloved program that serves over 500,000 kids and employs thousands of staff.

DOGE is of course yapping about “efficiencies,” but early educators say it feels like intentional sabotage. With five regional offices shuttered and staff unable to process grants, centers in states like Michigan, Wisconsin, and New York were forced to close temporarily or lay off workers. Parents—many of whom work hourly jobs—were left scrambling for child care.

This could very well be the beginning of the end, since advocates are warning that the GOP's broader budget-slashing goals and Project 2025 agenda are aiming to sideline or even eliminate Head Start altogether.

“DOGE HATES POOR KIDS” sounds like a good way for Democratic candidates to begin every campaign speech, TV appearance, or fundraising call going forward.

Such DOGEbags. Musk’s ‘Mind-Blowing’ Social Security Chart Isn’t New—or Mind-Blowing.

At a recent rally, Musk and DOGE advisor Antonio Garcias claimed to have uncovered shocking data showing over 5 million noncitizens received Social Security numbers under Biden.

The DOGE bros implied most were undocumented, scamming the system, and even voting illegally. But the numbers are public, legal, and expected—reflecting immigrants with lawful work permits, often asylum seekers or TPS recipients.

Bottom line: Their claims falsely suggest widespread fraud, yet experts say the system is doing exactly what the law allows.

Read the article for sure, but because Musk raises these dogus facts all the time, we thought we’d give a basic breakdown of this non-issue…

❓FAQ: Musk’s Misleading Claims on Immigrants and Social Security❓

Q: Did Musk make a mind-blowing discovery showing undocumented immigrants flooding the system?
A: No, the data has been public for years and reflects legal work permits.

Q: Do immigrants get Social Security numbers automatically with no ID or vetting?
A: No, their info is verified by Homeland Security before a number is issued.

Q: Are the 5 million people in Musk’s chart undocumented?
A: No, most have legal status or pending asylum cases allowing work permits.

Q: Does a Social Security number mean someone can vote in federal elections?
A: No, only U.S. citizens can vote—SSNs don’t change that.

Q: Do these immigrants automatically get Social Security checks?
A: No, benefits require years of taxed work and aren’t given just for having a number.

Q: Can people here illegally get SSNs?
A: Generally no—except in rare non-work cases, like for taxes or specific benefits.

Q: So what’s really happening?
A: The government gave Social Security numbers to people legally allowed to work—exactly as the law requires.

Q: Is Musk a total DOGEbag?
A: Absolutely.

Compounded Interest. DOGE's Contractor Payment Overhaul Backfires, Racking Up Unnecessary Costs.

A new executive order, courtesy of Trump and DOGE, is backfiring — freezing contractor payments and risking costly interest penalties for the government.

DOGE’s idea was to create a centralized tech system to track spending, but in practice, it has slowed disbursements across agencies, with some contractors not getting paid since last year. Which means, Under the Prompt Payment Act, agencies now owe interest on those late invoices — and businesses are beginning to question whether it’s worth working with the government at all.

Some have already laid off workers, and legal experts warn the administration could face a flood of breach-of-contract lawsuits. Can’t you smell the efficiency in the air?

"Trump Pardons a Company for the First Time"
In a first-of-its-kind move, Co-President Trump has used his presidential pardon power to forgive not just people—but a corporation. The lucky recipient? BitMEX, a crypto exchange that pleaded guilty to violating anti-money laundering laws and was fined over $200 million. Critics say the pardon not only erases the company’s criminal record but gives it a green light to keep playing fast and loose with financial regulations. Gee, now who else do we know who would try to benefit from that? Grr.

“NYC Mayor Eric Adams' Corruption Case Officially Dismissed by Judge”
Unquestionably Guilty Sleazeball Mayor Eric Adams is officially off the legal leash after a federal judge dismissed his corruption case with prejudice — meaning the case can’t be resurrected and brought back at a later time. While the Justice Department initially brought five serious charges last fall—including bribery and conspiracy—they’ve now backed off entirely. This about-face is because Adams nuzzled Trump’s butt and got an approving tail wag back. Trump seemed after a transactional quid pro quo from the Mayor, holding the lawsuit over Adams' head, but the “with prejudice” ruling from the judge means that Adams is out from under Trump’s thumb.

“Zuckerberg Begs for a Deal Before Meta Faces the FTC”
Speaking of quid pro quos… Bro Wannabe Mark Zuckerberg is sniffing around the White House again—this time trying to score a settlement before Meta has to face off with the FTC in court. With a major antitrust trial looming against Meta, this was Zuck’s third playdate with Trump, trying to convince him to cut a deal that would keep Instagram and WhatsApp from being forcibly split up. Trump hasn’t made any decision yet, and we shudder to think what he might be asking Zuck to do for him in return.

“Amazon Trying to Snag TikTok Before Saturday Ban Deadline”
Jeff Bezos / Amazon made a surprise last-minute offer to buy TikTok just days before a U.S. ban is set to kick in. Under Trump’s executive order, ByteDance has until Saturday to sell the platform or face a nationwide shutdown. The ban was previously upheld by the Supreme Court, but Trump granted a pause and could extend it further—though he says a sale is still the expectation. Amazon's bid adds to a growing pile of offers from firms like Oracle, Blackstone, and even a Wyoming businessman offering nearly $50 billion. Sobbing influencers are on pins and needles waiting to hear what their fate will be.

“Gorsuch Breaks from the Pack in Major Supreme Court RICO Ruling”
The Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that individuals can seek damages under the civil RICO Act for business or property losses, even if those losses stem from a personal injury. Justices Neil Gorsuch and Amy Coney Barrett joined the liberal wing in the majority, marking a rare ideological split. The case centered on a truck driver who was fired after a drug test flagged THC in a mislabeled CBD product. The ruling clarifies how the “business or property” clause in RICO should be interpreted and sends the case back to a lower court for further proceedings. Beyond the ruling itself, the thing that’s got people’s tongues wagging is the unusual split and how this is the first time Gorsuch has sided with the liberal justices this term.

Well, that was a lot to chew on… Again.

So as your reward, here are a few treats.

Some doggy goodness to calm your nerves… lift your spirits… and get you through to tomorrow…

Your Daily Dogs.  The Best Pups from the Internet.

Submit Your Dog Too!

Want your precious pup featured in the newsletter?

Just email a pic or social link to us at [email protected]. 

Include your pet’s name and/or your name and/or other details like “It’s Bernese Sanders’ 3rd birthday!” etc. (But only if you want that info published. No pressure.)

Howl It From The Rooftops!

🙌 Thanks for reading. See you on Friday.  

🐾 And until then, do your best to stay pawsitive!