🎮 GRRiefers

☀️ April 8, 2025 ☀️

🐾 Now Let’s Sic ‘Em! 🐾

The glitches keep on glitching. Yet again, the Social Security website has been repeatedly crashing and failing. Outages have ranged from brief to nearly day-long blackouts. Even when online, users face login errors, missing info, and frustrating delays.

Much of the problem is being blamed on an overzealous software update pushed by DOGE — their new ID checks flood the system with traffic it wasn’t prepared for.

Ironically and frustratingly, the website has become even more vital, ever since DOGE made drastic cuts in staff, began closing Social Security offices, and shut down most of its phone services.

So the very tool retirees and disabled Americans were told to rely on, isn’t actually reliable. Another example of rushing to action causing more harm than good. Grrreat job, DOGE.

Spotty Record. DOGE Touts Minuscule and Misguided Savings On Archiving Records.

DOGE posted on its official social media account: “The @USGSA IT team just saved $1M per year by converting 14,000 magnetic tapes (70 yr old technology for information storage) to permanent modern digital records.”

Um. Okay. Do they expect a parade?

For starters, this move might be misguided to begin with. As one commenter succinctly explained: “Despite its age, magnetic tape is still highly favorable for long-term, static data archives. It offers cost-effectiveness (cheaper than disk/cloud), longevity (outlasts disk drives), offline security (resists cyber threats), and high capacity (up to 50TB per tape).”

Which means the DOGE bros went for the less reliable and more expensive option. Not to mention, that $1 million is only a fraction of a percentage of adrop in the bucket in terms of reaching Musk’s stated goal of cutting / saving $2 TRILLION.

Yet another example in an ongoing pattern where DOGE chases Capital-E Efficiency in the most inefficient way possible.

Show Dog. Trump Plans $92 Million Military Parade—For Himself.

Speaking of parades…

Co-President Trump is planning a four-mile, $92 million military parade through D.C. on June 14, 2025 — which happens to be the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army, Flag Day… and his own 79th birthday.

After shelving the idea in 2018 due to sky-high costs and local pushback, Trump is now bulldozing ahead, having stacked military leadership with loyalists and intimidated D.C. officials into muzzled silence.

Since this parade undercuts DOGE’s supposed mission to eliminate “waste, fraud, and abuse,” surely Co-President Musk will be tweeting out any moment how he plans to slash the parade’s budget of this frivolous event and fire Trump without notice…. right?  

DOGEgonnit. USDA Slashing Staff and Relocating Some to New 'Hubs' Around the Country.

The Agriculture Department is preparing to lay off thousands of employees and shut down a significant portion of its Washington, D.C. operations — probably offloading one of its two headquarters in D.C. The remaining workforce will be forced to relocate to yet-to-be-named regional “hubs” across the country.

The changes, driven by Secretary Brooke Rollins and DOGE, aim to “optimize” operations—but insiders say it’s more about ideological cost-cutting than functional reform.

Staff were warned of impending reductions to fiscal 2019 levels—roughly a 9,000-person cut—along with the closure of D.C. facilities and a hard stop on remote-work. Employees who live more than 50 miles from the new hubs must relocate or lose their jobs, and there’s no guarantee of relocation assistance.

Some USDA divisions, like the Forest Service and Natural Resources Conservation Service, may be hit hardest, with research and conservation divisions potentially gutted or consolidated.

Many staff feel blindsided, having been asked to make life-changing decisions with almost no information about where they'll be sent or whether they’ll even have jobs in a month. Those with knowledge and experience are calling out DOGE for recklessly acting on preconceived notions of “efficiency” while ignoring how real-world federal work gets done.

GRRiefers. Gamers Roast Elon Musk During Livestream.

Okay, this is petty and trivial. But to be fair, Elon brings it out in us…

While global street protests erupted against DOGE & Trump this weekend, Elon found himself facing a more unusual form of backlash—inside the video game Path of Exile 2.

During a livestream aboard his private jet, obsessive-gamer Musk attempted to demonstrate Starlink’s satellite internet capabilities by playing the popular online RPG. Instead, he was flooded with hostile in-game messages from other players who relentlessly mocked his gameplay, personal life, and political role.

Ultimately, he rage-quit after dying to a tutorial boss several times when the connection got bad. Wait… could this mean StarLink sucks as bad as Elon does at gaming…?

Here are some choice highlights of trolls trolling the biggest Troll of all….

• “YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS AND YOU WILL DIE ALONE,” from a player named ELON_IS_A_PEEDOPHILE.

• “PUT ON SOME GRIMES” (a reference to Musk’s ex).

• “YOU WILL ALWAYS FEEL INSECURE AND IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY,” from a player named ELON_MUSK_IS_PATHETIC.

• Someone pretending to be Ashley St. Clair (a conservative influencer who says she’s the mother of Musk’s latest child) was begging him to pay his child support.

• …And of course, multiple insults about how terrible Musk is at playing the game.

"Speaker Johnson Strikes Deal After MAGA Infighting"
Speaker Mike Johnson finally caved on that new parents / proxy voting issue we told you about. Republican Anna Paulina Luna has been pushing for a modest proposal to allow new moms & dads to vote by proxy while on leave, but faced fierce opposition from MAGA hardliners and Johnson himself. Johnson misplayed his hand at two different points, dug in his heels, but ultimately had to surrender when Trump weighed in on the issue, saying: “I don't know why it's controversial. If you're having a baby, I think you should be able to call in and vote. I'm in favor of that." Well… yeah. The real question is: how do we get “Reasonable & Sane Trump” to be in office full time?

“Trump Threatens 50% More Tariffs on China”
Dude is seriously out of control... Now Trump is threatening another 50% tariff on China, unless Beijing backs down by April 8. The standoff escalated after China responded to last week’s tariffs with its own hikes, prompting Trump’s tit-for-tat ultimatum. GOP allies like Sen. John Kennedy are getting nervous, warning the cure might be worse than the disease. Markets are slumping, U.S. allies like Japan and Israel are wary, and even Elon Musk is howling that tariffs will hurt U.S. manufacturing. Trump, however, is unmoved, promising a “beautiful picture at the end.” We’re not even sure what that even means.

“Supreme Court Backs Trump’s Use of Wartime Law to Rush Deportations”
In a major ruling, the Supreme Court just gave Trump a green light to use the Alien Enemies Act—a dusty old wartime law from 1798—to fast-track deportations, especially of alleged gang members from Venezuela. The decision lets immigration officers collar and deport targets without the usual long legal process, at least while the full legal battle plays out in lower courts. We’re guessing that already-proven-innocent Abrego Garcia, who the Trump administration admitted to accidentally renditioning to El Salvador, is going to remain stuck in the gulag now. We’re all in the Upside-Down now.

“Trump Smites Vatican with ‘Pope Penalty’ Tariffs”
Talk about a God Complex... Even the Vatican wasn’t spared from from Trump’s tariff spree. The so-called “pope penalty” slaps a $100 tariff on blessed rosaries, medals, and other indulgences and religious items. This isn’t just trade policy—it’s a holy flex: punishing the Vatican for opposing Trump on issues like migration and global warming (because empathy & science are the devil’s work). Trump even floated turning Mar-a-Lago into a pilgrimage site for the 2025 Jubilee Year. We’d say Trump is definitely going to Hell for this, except we’re already living in it.

“Trump To Hold Direct Talks with Iran About Nuclear Weapons”
Trump has announced that the U.S. will begin direct, high-level talks with Iran over its nuclear program—warning that if diplomacy fails, Iran will be in "great danger." This move follows his withdrawal from the Obama-era nuclear deal and is part of a broader campaign of pressure—including new tariffs and saber-rattling—against Tehran. Despite Iran rejecting direct talks last month, Trump insists negotiations will begin soon, although details remain murky. Sooo… yeah. Iran? Nukes? Trump? This is gonna go GREAT!

Well, that was a lot to chew on… Again.

So as your reward, here are a few treats.

Some doggy goodness to calm your nerves… lift your spirits… and get you through to tomorrow…

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🙌 Thanks for reading. See you on Hump Day.  

🐾 And until then, do your best to stay pawsitive!