🔥 Firehouse DOGE

☀️ April 22, 2025 ☀️

🐾 Now Let’s Sic ‘Em! 🐾

In a frenzied 36-hour blitz, DOGE bros reportedly tore through the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau like a pack of rabid hounds — issuing pink slips to nearly 90% of its 1,700 workers.

Court filings from affected staff reveal a pressure-cooker atmosphere led by DOGE agent Gavin Kliger, who allegedly berated workers as “incompetent” and screamed at them to speed up the mass firing rollout.

According to a whistleblower’s sworn testimony, the RIF (reduction in force) team was kept awake for 36 hours straight to hit a Thursday deadline — disregarding a court order that required case-by-case assessments. Entire divisions were dismantled, including the research office (leaving only three senior staffers).

The CFPB, long targeted by Trump and Musk allies, is now at the center of a legal firestorm. A federal judge has temporarily blocked the layoffs pending further review on April 28.

Hush Puppy. Tesla Faces Legal Battles Over Silencing Whistleblowers & Odometer Manipulation (allegedly).

In one lawsuit, plaintiff Nyree Hinton alleges that Tesla manipulated odometer readings on its vehicles using predictive algorithms based on energy consumption and driver behavior, rather than actual mileage.

Hinton claims his Model Y's odometer overestimated mileage by at least 15%, causing his 50,000-mile warranty to expire prematurely and leaving him with a $10,000 repair bill. The lawsuit seeks class-action status in California, potentially affecting over a million vehicles.

In a separate case, former Tesla engineer Cristina Balan has been granted the opportunity to pursue a defamation lawsuit against Tesla and Musk.

Balan, who raised concerns about a potential brake safety issue in the Model S, alleges that she was forced to resign under threat of her team's deportation. Balan, a cancer survivor, aims to clear her name and expose what she describes as Musk's vindictive behavior.

Tesla has denied all allegations, with CEO Musk dismissing the lawsuits as "idiotic” — which makes it so obvious to everyone in the entire world that he truly is guilty.

Kennel Crotch. DOGE Cuts Hit Critical STI Lab Amid Syphilis Surge.

In yet another move alarming public health experts, DOGE has shut down the CDC's STD Laboratory Reference and Research Branch — a critical facility for monitoring and researching sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

This closure coincides with a dramatic increase in syphilis cases, notably a 1,450% rise in congenital syphilis in Wisconsin since 2019. The lab was the only U.S. facility capable of PCR testing for syphilis and played a pivotal role in tracking antimicrobial-resistant gonorrhea strains.

The termination of all 28 employees this month, is part of broader cuts by DOGE and Health Secretary & Brain Worm Survivor Robert F. Kennedy Jr., resulting in a nearly 25% reduction in the HHS workforce.

The loss of this lab severely hampers the nation's ability to diagnose, monitor, and respond to STI outbreaks, potentially leading to increased rates of infection, stillbirths, and long-term health complications.

Firehouse DOGE. DOGE Fired Nearly All Federal Workers Who Investigated Firefighter Deaths.

DOGE has gutted the team responsible for investigating firefighter deaths, slashing nearly all staff at the CDC’s National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH).

This includes seven of the eight members of the Fire Fighter Fatality Investigation and Prevention Program, which was actively probing numerous open cases when the layoffs hit. Staff described the scene as “pure chaos,” with abrupt firings so severe that even the lab animals were left uncared for and had to be euthanized. Grr.

The administration also dismantled the team running the National Firefighter Registry for Cancer, halting the most ambitious effort in the world to study job-related cancers in firefighters. The research, intended to track over 200,000 firefighter cases, had already enrolled 23,000 participants before being derailed.

Despite legal obligations to maintain firefighter health programs, laid-off staff say they were told their roles were “unnecessary.” With climate-fueled wildfires on the rise, experts are calling the move both reckless and irreversible.

No De-paws-it. Over 1,200 Jobs at FDIC Getting DOGE’d.

DOGE's federal worker purge has come to the FDIC, where leadership now plans to trim more than 1,200 jobs — roughly 20% of its workforce.

In an agency-wide email, FDIC brass laid out a blend of voluntary exits, early retirements, and simply leaving job openings vacant. If too few employees bite, the agency will begin a formal reduction in force (RIF) on May 13.

The first 500 heads were already tagged earlier this year through Trump’s “deferred resignation” program, while about 170 probationary employees have been quietly let go — though those firings have triggered legal challenges. Staff have until May 5 to opt into separation offers, but even that’s not guaranteed.

While FDIC leadership insists the agency will remain stable on all four legs, critics warn the cuts risk hollowing out oversight just when the country needs sharper teeth: after last year’s banking failures at Silicon Valley Bank, Signature Bank, and First Republic, the FDIC admitted it was already short on examiners.

The agency doesn’t draw from congressional appropriations, so cutting workers doesn’t trim the federal budget — it just weakens the watchdog. But that seems to be the point: under DOGE, it's not about savings. It's about undermining a potential adversary to their subterfuge and shenanigans.

"Kristi Noem’s Purse with $3,000 in Cash Stolen From DC Restaurant"
While dining at a DC restaurant, Homeland Security Secretary & El Salvadoran Gulag Infomercial Host Kristi Noem had her bag swiped — and with it, $3,000 in cash, her passport, DHS badge, and even her makeup bag. Surveillance footage reportedly shows a masked man lifting the bag and walking out. The Secret Service say they’re investigating, but… prob not really, because boastful dog-killers deserve a lifetime of misfortune and worse.

“Tariff Tricks: Trump’s Sneaky New Grift to Boost His Wallet”
Co-President Trump is finding new ways to profit from his own policies — this time by tying his financial interests to the stock market impact of his sweeping tariffs. Through Truth Social’s parent company, TMTG, Trump is launching “thematic” investment portfolios likely to benefit from his own policy moves, including stocks tied to defense, energy, and American manufacturing. As majority shareholder, Trump stands to profit every time his administration announces or reverses a tariff — a tactic he’s already used to spike or sink specific stocks, raising serious questions of corruption and market manipulation and all the other grifts Trump already engages in.

“Pope Francis Dies at 88”
Pope Francis died Monday morning at the age of 88, following a stroke and heart failure that led to a coma. But really everyone knows that it's all J.D. Vance’s fault, given that Vance met with the Pope the day before… and because witnesses saw Vance stab Francis with a tube of eyeliner while shouting “Ordo amoris, Asshole!” 

“China Threatens Any Countries Who Deal with U.S.”
China issued a stern warning to any and all countries considering trade deals with the U.S., saying it will retaliate against any arrangement that undercuts its own economic interests. This comes as Trump ramps tariffs on Chinese goods to 145% while offering selective exemptions to firms like Apple. Despite talk of group negotiations, Beijing is refusing to back down — promising to “stand its ground to the end.” If Trump is really gonna try playing “Chicken” with China, we’re truly doomed.

“Trump Might Starting Awarding a Motherhood Medal”
…you know, like the Nazis did. The Trump administration is weighing a suite of “pro-natalist” policies that encourage women to have more children — including reviving a controversial idea from fascist regimes: awarding medals to mothers of six or more kids. While some proposals offer financial perks like baby bonuses or fertility tracking classes, others push a cultural agenda steeped in authoritarian echoes. Trump has embraced the movement, calling himself the “fertilization president,” while DOGE chief Elon Musk and VP JD Vance continue championing pro-birth policies. Notably absent? Any support for childcare, healthcare, or working families.

Well, that was a lot to chew on… Again.

So as your reward, here are a few treats.

Some doggy goodness to calm your nerves… lift your spirits… and get you through to tomorrow…

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🙌 Thanks for reading. See you on Hump Day.  

🐾 And until then, do your best to stay pawsitive!